In Japan...
5 October 2004

I've only been in Japan for one week. That's not a long time. It's REALLY not long enough to be "expert" about anything. 

But a week of observations and experiences is not without educational value -- and rather than horde this mine of wisdom and knowledge I've been given, I thought I'd share it -- for a PRICE! 

Soon after having this thought, however, I gained even MORE wisdom, specifically regarding the feasibility of offering my naive observations in exchange for money, a.k.a. "filthy lucre"... 

In the end, I have decided to post these thoughts for FREE, and pray you use them for GOOD, and NOT evil. 

1) In Japan, they use coins more than anyone since the Romans. 
Really, I mean, compared to the USA, or even to Hong Kong, Japan is truly a "coin culture" -- basically for any amount under $10, you gotz a coin for it. Now, lots of things cost under $10. The trains cost less than $10. Most drinks cost less. In fact, there's really a butt-load of things that cost less than $10. And that means Mr. Glenn is carrying around a BUTT-load of coins. Mr. Glenn doesn't like coins -- but it doesn't matter. In Japan, they use coins.

2) In Japan, the most popular home entertainment appliance is a combination TV, computer, stereo, Tivo-type thing.
These are basically flat-screen computers that look like futuristic TV's -- or maybe TV's that look like freaky, multimedia computers. Or ... anyway, they are very cool, and if you want a computer for your house these days, it's pretty much all they have in the stores. Satoh (my friend) said, "Oh, hey, let me show you this TV program we love about English" -- and he just calls up the file -- WHICH HE HAD ALREADY RECORDED WEEKS AGO -- and plays it back -- skipping the commercials, of course. It looked like he had about 4 or 5 episodes of that show on the hard drive -- point being that he could watch those over and over as much as he wanted, skipping back and forth however he wants. Say we wanted to know about something they discussed in the show? No big deal -- he can jump on the internet, using the wireless keyboard, and look it up. COOL.   

3) In Japan, I sleep in a church. 
I guess that's not really an "observation" so much as stating a fact. Whatever. It's new to ME, so I'm telling you about it... and the thing is, dude, sleeping in a church in a remote suburb of Tokyo -- dude, it's QUIET!!! I mean, I had no idea how noisy Hong Kong was until I went to bed in Tokyo. People of HK, buy some earplugs -- you have no idea what you're missing!!

4) In Japan, cars have HDD systems.
I don't know what HDD stands for exactly, but I know it's got something to do with "hard drive" something or other. Anyway, check out the photo and comments at the bottom of THIS page...

5) In Japan, you can't get your tea sweet unless you bring your own sugar. 
That's not entirely true, they have sugar, and if you say you want your tea "sweet" they'll do the Japanese version of sweet. But it ain't sweet, dawg. So, you've been warned: BYOS (bring your own sugar). 

6) In Japan, the air is (relatively) CLEAN.
This isn't all that unique of a thing -- but spend three years in HK and then come to Tokyo. Or actually, go anywhere else besides southern China and the Delta region -- you'll see what I mean. 

7) In Japan, no one sits next to the fat white guy.

8) In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. 
But you can't slice a tomato with it!  

9) In Japan, not watching TV for a week actually makes you SMARTER.
Should you perhaps inquire as to the source of this erudition, I wouldst, me thinks, laugh in a non-too-ostentatious manner betwixt my jocular comments regarding your parentage.

10) In Japan, thousands of people are being robbed very single day. 
You probably have heard of Japan's amazingly low crime rate -- maybe the best of the world. But it's not true -- people are being robbed AS I TYPE THIS. And it's not violent in any way -- in fact, they ASK for it!!! They take out their money, they count it, and they HAND IT OVER to the thieves!!! Yes, I'm referring to the cost of CD's in Japan. Do you know that most CD's in Japan cost at LEAST $20 U.S.?!? And a NEW RELEASE can cost up to $30!!!! Put it this way, HMV has a big promotion now, "buy 2 CD's, get one for $17" -- and this is supposed to be a deal!!!! No joke, this is like a major advertising campaign for them just now!!! Considering that CD's cost about 30 cents to make, I can find no other term except ROBBERY to describe this phenomenon... 

11) In Japan, English band names are funny. 
But the funniest is "Bump Of Chicken"... "Yes, I'd like the new CD single by Bump Of Chicken, please." -- "Okay, that'll be $50"... 

12) In Japan, the employees of Outback Steakhouse really can speak English quite well. 
Don't ask me how I know this after only one week here -- I just know, okay? 

13) In Japan, they don't ask prominent visitors from the church in the USA to help wash their cars. 
Don't ask me how I know this one, either, but if you are reading this and it "speaks" to you, let's just mark it down as a lesson learned -- okay? Seriously, I'm not trying to be a smart-aleck -- I'm being dead serious -- no offense was meant, OBVIOUSLY, and I've explained that to the concerned persons on this end -- but consider this: "I wouldn't want to wash HIS car in JAPAN, so would he really want to wash MINE in the USA?!?" -- think about it, make a mental note, and let's move on. 

14) In Japan, you can't buy an English book or magazine to save your stupid life. 
At least I can't. Where are you, English media outlets?!? I'm hungry for you -- hungry like a wolf. 

15) And lastly, in Japan, it's COLD right now!!!
I'm freezing my kimono off in here...