25 May 2006

In the interest of full disclosure, here's my latest status report:
   

LISTENING TO:	the sublime brilliance that is Telepopmusik's "Angel Milk" (take out the limp-wristed rapping and you'll have yourself a downright amazing record)
WATCHING:	the blatant brilliance that is Season Two of "Arrested Development"
READING:	"Birth of the Modern" (yeah - college boy in da haus!)
LOOKING LIKE:	don't ask... but you ever seen Brad Pitt? Well, I don't look like him, exactly -- put it that way...
FEELING LIKE:	that guy... you know, that one guy on TV...
SOUNDING LIKE:	teen spirit
SMELLING LIKE:	step off, brah, and you never need to know
SPENDING MONEY:	and I can't stop! (cursed need for food/shelter)
FALLEN:	and I can't get up!
LEARNING:	how to play guitar -- need a song in G? I'm your man
WONDERING:	When are we gonna get "personal butler" robots...? I mean, they got 'em dancing to Beck songs -- can't a brother get a robot-made sandwich by now?!?
ASK ME:	about speakers... anything you wanna know about speakers... SPEAKAHZ IS MY LIFE...
WAITING FOR:	the appearance of the Purpose Driven Lunch™
WISH I HAD:	a million bucks for every time I saw a Japanese person in their natural habitat... I'd be freaking Bill Gates up in here...
PRAYING FOR:	more love -- I suppose I got all I need for myself, but I surely need some more to give away -- they tell me I've been running low on that lately... who knew?!?

. . .

From the Onion:

30 May 2006

Li'l Audrey Smith wrote me a letter recently:

Hi, The last time I e-mailed you, I was 8. Now I am 9. Lauren is going to be 7 soon. How are things going over there? Today, me, Lauren and my mom went to a wedding. When the bride tossed the bouquet, I was in with the single ladies, and guess what? I caught the bouquet!!! I was sooo happy!!! And I got a picture taken with the bride and groom. (The bride is a friend of ours). Well, I need to go now. I hope to hear from you soon. your friend, Audrey Smith P.S. Our friend, Mr. Lewis, made me get in with the single ladies to try to catch it.

There's just something cute about her calling them "the single ladies" -- is that just me, or what?

So I wrote her back:

Well, Miss Audrey -- you know what? I miss you and Lauren and your mom and dad SO much! I really don't have words that can explain it. When I read your email, it made my heart hurt -- just because I wish I could spend some time with you guys. So THANKS for sending me that message. I was feeling a little lonely here, because it's Sunday night, and i have to do WORK. Feeling lonely happens a lot when you move to Japan by yourself. I have lots of friends! But at night it gets a little lonely. I am fine in Japan, but VERY busy. Are you busy? If you're not busy, why don't you come and HELP me!!! It's a great idea -- but bring your daddy, too, and his guitar. He could REALLY help me with that! I am trying to come home for a short time this summer -- do you think you could arrange to get a pizza for me? Because there are TWO THINGS I'd love to see: The Smith family, and a big ole stinkin' pizza!!! Let's work on that, ok? I'll even PAY, for goodness' sake! Just make sure it's big and CHEESY!!!! OK, well, I guess you are really getting grown up now, if you are already NINE years old. The next thing you know, you will be TEN, won't you! I hope you keep working and studying, because I think God really wants to use you to do GREAT things, Audrey! Can you believe it? It's TRUE. God knew you before you were ever born, and he had a plan for your life -- and all this time, he is loving you and taking care of you and Lauren. And one day, I think you're gonna have some AMAZING adventures!! It will be so much fun. (well, that's what i pray about when i pray for you guys, anyway). Tell your daddy hello, and tell him i'm still waiting for him to come visit me with his guitar. Actually, i think he's waiting for ME to make a picture for him, too! He's probably mad at me, it's been a LONG time! So, i don't know -- kiss him and tell him it's from me, maybe he will forgive me! (that's a joke, audrey -- i only kiss beautiful girls!) anyway, take care, and write back ANY time!!! LOVE, Glenn

(I'm not so good at the punctuation/capitalization thing these days -- sorry)... 

Anyway, she DID write back:

Hi, Yes, I think we can get the pizza. (You won't have to pay). Well, the new house is really great. It is 1,292 sq feet -- me and Lauren have our own rooms, too!! One more thing before I go, my dad is not mad at you. Well, I need to go now. Bye, Audrey

To which I promptly answered:

Did you say 1,292 sq feet?!?!? Audrey, that is the PERFECT size for a pony barn!!!!!! I'm a kind of EXPERT on ponies, actually, and whenever anyone asks me, "How big should I make my pony barn?" -- I always say, "Oh, I don't know - but the PERFECT size would be about 1,292 sq feet"...!!! SO, you are one lucky little girl, my friend. Just amazing... See you! Glenn

. . .

Now, somehow in there, Li'l Sister LAUREN got in on the act, and she also sent me a message (emphasis MINE):

We have a new house. I have my own bedroom. We have a basement too. I like it sometimes. we still have to unpak boxs. my sistr got your email too. I frgot you. do you like pizza glenn. if you like pizza, to tell you the truth i like pizza too. (audrey likes pizza too glenn) I have a question glenn are you ok! because I am courios about it! & I would like to [give a] present to you: lauren marie smith - but i can't because that person is me. & I can't put myself in the computer glenn! can you put your self in your computer glenn? well if you can put yourself in your computer how ubawt malin yourself over here glenn. g'day mate.

(Lauren ain't too big on the spelling/punctuation thing, either, I see!)

But seriously -- SIX YEARS OLD and she typed that herself -- pretty great, eh?

Finally, I emailed her back:

Wow. Lauren, it is great to get your message. But my arm is really hurting!! Why is my arm hurting? Because I just spent 20 minutes stuck inside my computer! Well, it's all your fault, you crazy kid -- you said to put myself in my computer and send myself to you -- and I thought, "why not?" -- but Lauren, DON'T TRY THAT!!! Trust me, it won't work... But finally I got my arm out of that thing and now that I'm writing this message it starts to feel better, honestly. Whew. That was a close one! I'm glad you got the new house. Does it have a pony place? Does it have a pizza kitchen? Does it have a swimming pool? I know these are all very important things for you, so I assume you DO have those things. If you don't, then let me know, and I'll send them in the computer. I don't mind! -- anything for you and Audrey... Well, I guess I'd better go -- I've got a TON of things to do. I need to feed my octopus, and pet my dragon, and then I need to ride my pony to the candy shop. After that, I have to go to the Bubble Gum Store and pick up my month's supply -- and then I need to go to the Clown Shop and Fun Emporium to get all my games for this week. So you can see I'm really, REALLY busy. I wish you and Audrey could come help me, but maybe next time. Okay, take care -- I know you forgot me, Lauren, and actually it makes me so sad -- it breaks my heart more than you can ever possibly understand. But I knew it was going to cost me that when I left Kentucky to come to Asia. I knew it would happen, but I did it anyway because I knew that God wanted me to go to Asia. Sometimes God works that way, Lauren, but He always leads us the RIGHT WAY, okay? Don't ever ever EVER forget that -- God loves us so much, and he ALWAYS knows the right way for us to go. When you get older, and have a pony of your own, you'll understand what I mean. Bye bye, see you soon -- I'm PRAYING for you!! Glenn

And that may be the dumbest, most boring series of exchanges you ever read -- but it meant a whole lot to me... 
    

31 May 2006

Oh, I feel a burden coming on:

Lilburn, GA (BlackNews.com) - Millions of people worldwide are expected to see the blockbuster movie, The Da Vinci Code. Some think the movie will alter many aspects of traditional Christian beliefs. Many words have been used to describe The Da Vinci Code: "masterpiece," "clever" and "ingenious" are just a few. One word, however, that has not seemed to become connected with the movie is racism. "Racism/white supremacy has everything to do with the movie," claims Jeremiah Camara, author of a similarly controversial book entitled Holy Lockdown: Does the Church Limit Black Progress? Camara states, "The Da Vinci Code is a movie that perpetuates the notion of white supremacy because it is a psychological anointing of the world's White minority." Camara explains that The Da Vinci Code "placed Caucasian people, places and things in the center of the human universe and linked them to all that is holy, godly and divine." Despite the fact that there were many godheads which preceded Jesus and had similar stories, the movie, unlike the book, failed to enlighten people to that reality. The creators of The Da Vinci Code, writer Dan Brown and director Ron Howard, created a controversy over the life and events of Jesus. Camara states that by creating a controversy about Jesus, "it implies that Jesus not only existed, but existed in the image of how he was depicted in the movie---a White man. Our brains will naturally compute that God is White and, therefore, all that is of real importance are the events that revolve around White people." This portrayal seems implausible when we consider that Whites are roughly only 10 percent of the world's population, but represent a monopoly on the world's most popular religion, Christianity and book, the Bible. In summary, Jeremiah Camara says The Da Vinci Code was not necessarily designed to shake the foundation of Christian fundamentalist beliefs, but to reinforce the notion of white supremacy." As with Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ, Black preachers have once again stood silently by and allowed Hollywood to insult the elders of the earth by totally excluding the Black presence in world history. About the Author Jeremiah Camara has studied the idioms, language, and culture of predominately Black churches for over a decade. Mr. Camara has lectured all over the United States. He has been a guest on several radio talk shows, including The Michael Baisden Show, The Tom Pope Show, Lib Radio, The Power and many more.